Anatomy of a Heartbreak: When SAMson met Delilah

Relationships Decoded

Prelude

I do not share every “inspired thought” that I have. Moreover, when I share some of those thoughts, it may take a while for me to do so. The following epitomizes that because it has been “marinating” for three years (since 2014), which is like many of the unpublished (book) manuscripts that I have. However, I am sure that as I knock the virtual dust off this article before I present it to you, the Lord will have some revisions for me to make.

Relationships, or potential relationships, tend to get complicated when people do not say what they mean or mean what they say. The following is meant to help to decode what a person may truly be conveying in a relational construct.

In 2014, I posted something on my Kollin L. Taylor Facebook page that weighed heavily on my mind. The post was about coping with breakups; the oftentimes dreaded end to a relationship, especially one laden with a heavy investment of one’s time, efforts, and emotions. I do not believe we can make someone fall in love with us, but it only takes one thing to fall in love. In addition, that one thing gives us a reason to hold on and overlook or accept the other things that may not be very appealing. After all, love is about acceptance because no one is perfect, not even you. In God’s infinite wisdom, the one thing that attracts some people may be the very thing that repels others; it may cause you to get your heart broken yet it will save you from heartaches.

Regrettably, sometimes the “one thing” is because of a person’s perceived, contrived, or actual potential versus his/her performance. Many people have invested way too much time waiting for a person’s potential to become the desired performance. Oftentimes, that becomes a part of the recipe for disaster. While one person is fully vested into the relationship, the other person is not committed at all. So while one person is strapped into the “relationship” and willing to go full speed ahead, the other person is coasting with his/her foot on the brakes, seatbelt unbuckled, with the door partially open and ready to bail out. Many “relationships” have come to an abrupt end, but one person is still strapped into the passenger seat of that vehicle, rapidly going downhill, but refuses to acknowledge that the ride is over.

Before you find yourself riding solo in a “relationship”, to include one where the person is present in body only, let us open our eyes to the reality of the situation before the “vehicle” crashes and burns.

The Mouth Speaks

 

“It’s not you, it’s me.” – That may be a very accurate statement, especially if you loved and accepted the person for who he/she truly is, and you were fully vested. So, now it should be more obvious than ever that the feeling was not mutual, and neither is the level of commitment. This may be an excuse because he/she wants out of the relationship, but it is not necessarily because there is someone else. You may want to become a detective and find out why the person wants to leave, “for the sake of closure”, but it really does not matter why the person wants to leave. When a person wants to leave, step aside and let the person go. The time to dig into issues is if the person wants to return, that is the time for full disclosure because you cannot rebuild a relationship on a broken foundation. Sometimes a person leaves under this guise because of insecurities… But let me address the elephant in the room by saying that sometimes the issue is you. The person says, “It’s not you, it’s me” in an effort to preserve your dignity. In addition, the way you respond will prove whether the main issue was with you or the person. If you cannot stay on the high road during a breakup, if the issue was not with you, it most certainly is now. Your desire to fight for the relationship may backfire. Even if the person has been deceived into leaving the relationship, fighting for the relationship may put you at enmity with your former partner. Your efforts to help may come across as you being controlling. Take notes from the story of the father in the story of the prodigal son. He let his son go and allowed him to come to his senses, even if it meant losing his son forever (Luke 15:11-32). Sometimes when you let a person go, he/she may realize that it is best to return to be with you. But other times one or both of you may accept the fact that it was best for you to go your separate ways. When a person says, “It’s not you, it’s me”, your reaction will either substantiate or disprove it.

The Sound of a Fallen Tree
A collection of poetry about heartbreak.
“I’m not ready for a (committed) relationship…” – Sometimes this truly is the case, especially if the person initially stated it and then ended the relationship when things started getting too serious. It will not matter if you think you are God’s gift to the world if the person you desire is not ready to be in a (committed) relationship. Thinking someone will take down their walls or succumb to your God-given gifts can send you into a corner licking your wounds. Then there are times when the person is not ready for or wants to be in a relationship with you. You may find this out the hard way when the person leaves you and starts “hanging out” with someone else. I say “hanging out” because sometimes people are in a platonic relationship so it does not necessarily mean you were dumped for someone else. There are times when a person knows that being with you means that marriage is inevitable, and he/she is imply not ready for marriage and loves you enough to let you go.

Sadly, some people have had their heart broken when a person says he/she was not ready for a committed relationship then marries someone else within 6 months. Keep in mind that you are God’s gift to someone but not to everyone. A sign of maturity is to be happy for them and their marriage. A relationship will either work or it won’t. Many people are trying to force a relationship to work when it is best to part ways and work things out with someone better suited. One of the leading causes of divorce is an ill-advised marriage. It is never a good thing to try to force someone to be with you. In addition, you will inevitably devalue yourself while trying to prove your value to another. Rather than trying give yourself as an unwelcomed gift to another person, give that person the gift of goodbye instead. Do not bind yourself to someone who is not bound to you. If you do, your heart will get thrown down the jagged slopes like the Dolomite Mountains that I’ll refer to as “Heartbreak Ridge”.

Humble Pie
The Lord exalts the humble.
“I don’t want to ruin the friendship.” – Dating does not ruin friendships, immaturity does. There are relationships that ended badly, but because there was a foundation of friendship, those individuals rekindled that friendship. Some gave up on ever trying to have a romantic relationship, while others matured and may have gotten married later in life. While some friendships can turn into a romantic relationship, some people were simply meant to be friends and absolutely nothing beyond that. Do not exceed a boundary you were never meant to cross, and if you do, simply get back behind the line because it does not have to invalidate the friendship. By the way, I find it interesting that some people do not want to ruin a friendship by getting into a relationship. However, some of the most rewarding relationships are those where the partners say they are married to their best friend. Whatever position you are in, do not exceed a boundary you were never meant to cross. Do not try to turn a friend into a spouse when you were never meant to be in a romantic relationship. And please, do not call yourself a friend if you would block that person from being in a relationship with someone else because you do not want to lose the friendship. Or worse, you have secret feelings for your friend and you do not want him/her to be (happy) with someone else. Those kinds of things ruin friendships.

God, The Love of My Life (2)

“Let’s just be friends.” – This is great until your former partner is no longer friendly because all communications have ceased. Sure, there are friends that you may not have heard from in years, yet, when you see each other again, or communicate, it is like you pick up right where you left off. But it is another thing when the person deletes you from his/her contact list, blocks you, etc. By the way, and I should not have to say this, yet I must, you have crossed the line if someone blocks you so you resort to using another account to reach the person. It is even more egregious if you knowingly create a pseudo-account, or worse, pseudo-accounts, in response to being blocked and you insist on trying to be a part of that person’s life. Do not expect a former partner to want to be your friend when you resort to such craziness. Also, the person certainly will not want to rekindle a relationship with you when you DEMONstrate that you want to have them embroiled in a situation that is a crazy mess. Some relationships end but the former partners remain friends, which in some cases can help with recovering from being heartbroken. It takes maturity to remain friends with an “ex”. Sometimes the best course of action is no contact, either because of the crazy mess or maintaining contact the person would simply delay healing. However, it is another story to say, “Let’s just be friends”, when you don’t want to be friends at all. Be honest with yourself, and each other, say what you mean and mean what you say.

Wrongfully Accused
Even Jesus was wrongfully accused…
 “I want to be ‘young, wild, and free.’” – Let me break this down individually. Being young does not only apply to those who are under 30 for example. It also applies to someone who may have gotten married at 20, got divorced at 40, and feels like he/she missed out on something while being “tied down” in a relationship. However, one thing about life is that tomorrow is not guaranteed. A person may decide to eventually settle down at around age 35 but pass away at 34. Or, the incredible opportunities they had earlier in life are now met with “all the good ones are taken”. So rather than having a seemingly unlimited choice of who to be in a relationship with, the dating pool is left with “slim pickings”. It is worthy to note that if a person has just gotten divorced, that person may need time to heal before even entertaining the thought of dating. Don’t try to awaken a person’s love before the individual is ready (Song of Solomon 2:7, 3:5, 8:4).

We all need to enjoy life, but even solitary big cats have seasons when they desire companionship. By the way, the wild also has a lot of fleas. When people want to be wild they may get more than they bargained for.

I hope it is not just me, but I do not equate being in the right relationship with being in prison. On the other hand, being with the wrong person, now that is another story. I know there are some people who have to check in with their partner frequently or keep the “GPS” enabled. That is a relationship with a lack of trust. I am not a fool because I know there are cases where the trust that may have been given was lost. That is an issue for another time. However, let me say that if you cheated on your partner, you have to submit to extra measures to regain that person’s lost trust… The one thing all relationships have is the freedom to choose. You are free to choose and pay the price for your choices. Sometimes the price is actually a reward in the form of love. In other cases, the price for your decisions may include a visit to the health clinic, a paternity suit, divorce, etc. A relationship is not about being in bondage. It is about two people who are bonded by love, who are free to leave but choose to stay, and they work as individuals and as a team to elevate each other. Maybe I am idealistic, but a good relationship does not enslave us, it liberates us. The right relationship will bring out the best in you, and that is freedom.

Love Notes

 

“God said you’re my husband/wife.” – One of the most important decisions you will make in your life is who to marry. The Lord is the world’s best matchmaker so I highly recommend that you go with His choice of a spouse for you. However, you have to ensure you are hearing from the Lord regarding a potential spouse or it could be disastrous. I personally know of people who received such a revelation from the Lord, one of the couples has been married for 41 years. But I also personally know of people who were either deceived or blatantly lied while using the Lord’s name to advance a personal agenda.

When the Lord gives such a revelation, He will bring it to pass. One of the telltale signs that a potential relationship is not of the Lord is when one or both individuals are forcing the relationship to work. It gets even more obvious when one of the individuals is being manipulative or even forceful. If the Lord only initially reveals it to one of the people He has ordained to be together, the recipient of the message should never take the revelation and go to the individual and say, “The Lord said you are my husband/wife.” While it is okay to reveal it while courting, it should never be used as a way to try to force or manipulate a person into a relationship with you because the person does not want to disobey the Lord. After all, Jesus said, ‘If ye love Me, keep My commandments.’ ~ John 14:15 (KJV) If the Lord reveals the person He has ordained for you, it is not your responsibility to go and tell the person. But rather, it is up to the Lord to reveal it to that person and your future interactions will help to confirm or deny whether you are operating in the Lord’s will.

love-marriage

I could make this very short but it is too important for me to abbreviate. If you believe you have heard from the Lord about Him having ordained a particular person for you as your spouse, there are certain protocols you should follow. Here are some ways to separate “the one” from God versus the devil’s counterfeits:

  • Ensure you heard from the Lord instead of a seducing spirit, a devil sent to lead you and others astray. The devil knows that if he can deceive one person he can mislead generations, as was the case when he deceived Eve. In potential relationship, one deceived person immediately impacts four people. Ask the Lord for confirmation and then wait for it. Some people have received erroneous revelations from either the desires/idols of their heart or from a devil. Ask the Lord to confirm or deny the revelation (see Judges 6-7). If a person or marriage is an idol of your heart, it will make it difficult for you to receive correction from the Lord. If you do not heed the Word of the Lord, your efforts will eventually fail, which is why many Christian marriages get terminated in divorce court. I also recommend that you get confirmation independent of the potential spouse. You are most likely serving different gods if you receive different information regarding if the Lord has ordained the two of you to marry each other. “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” ~ Amos 3:3 (KJV) The answer is resounding no! Sadly, many people have been deceived to the point of wasting years waiting for a relationship with a person that will never happen. Arguably, it is even worse when one person pursues another, thinking the individual is his/her God-ordained spouse, yet the person is clearly not interested. It is also a clear indication that a potential relationship is not of the Lord if one person believes he/she needs to make the other person his. The following Words of the Lord apply to the relationships He ordains: ‘Not by might, nor by power, but by My Spirit.’ ~ Zechariah 4:6 (KJV)

 

  • If you are certain that the Lord confirmed the person is in fact the one, give the person to Him and take your hands off. Keep in mind that the Lord had promised Abraham a son, but after years of waiting, he took his wife’s awful suggestion to have a child with her servant. Do not create an “Ishmael” while waiting on your “Isaac”, the promise from the Lord. Also, the Lord did not deliver on His promise to Abraham until He later directly revealed it to Sarah, 24 years later (Genesis 17-18). That does not mean the Lord will tell the man first, but He will reveal His plans to both individuals either before they meet or at some point after. You have to wait for the Lord to tell the other person or you risk venturing into witchcraft. Do not pursue someone who the Lord has not prepared to receive you. When the Lord had finally blessed Abraham with Isaac, He later asked him to sacrifice his beloved son. Abraham was willing to comply and part ways with his son, forever (Genesis 22). If you are unwilling to part ways with the promise, your desire is for an idol instead of a spouse. Also, if you are not willing to wait on the Lord, your desire is for an idol instead of a spouse.

 

  • The Lord will prepare both individuals and bring them together, in His timing. The way the Lord brought Rebekah to Isaac is a great example; even outsiders could tell that the Lord had ordained the relationship (Genesis 24). The way the Lord united Ruth with Boaz is another great example. It also demonstrates that the Lord will present a woman to a man, just like how He brought Eve to Adam.

 

  • The Lord is a God of order. Men have the innate drive to pursue the woman he desires to marry. However, a Godly man, who is submitted to the Lord, will not pursue a woman until the Lord tells him to. So, if a woman is pursuing a man she is out of order and has ventured into what can be called “Jezebellion”. The Lord will present a woman to a man but it is the man who will pursue her. We see this when Naomi told Ruth to present herself to Boaz and then he pursued her (Ruth 2-4). A woman only needs to express an interest in a man once, and she should never try to pressure him to be in a relationship with her. One of the signs that a relationship is not of the Lord is the woman playing the masculine role by pursuing the man. Conversely, a man who is pursuing a woman who does not want to be pursued is also out of order. When the Amalekites had captured David’s family, he inquired of the Lord if he should pursue them, and if he would be successful (1 Samuel 30). He did not make a move until he received the Lord’s permission, so he received the Lord’s blessings. If you pursue someone and fail, you need to seek the Lord to see if you “jumped the gun”, or, if that was your wake-up call that you have been pursuing the wrong person.

 

  • The Lord unites people for a purpose (Ruth 4), but there will be a mutual attraction, especially on a spiritual level (Ruth 2). If the attraction is not mutual, the potential relationship is not of the Lord. The Lord’s purpose is why God-ordained relationships come under so much attack, oftentimes before the two people even meet. Take note that shortly after the Lord told Abraham and Sarah that He was going to bless them with the promised child within a year, Sarah was taken into the king of Gerar’s harem (Genesis 20). But because the Lord had a promise to fulfill, He intervened. Abraham did not have to do anything; the Lord had made a promise and was going to ensure it came to pass. The Lord sustains what He ordains, which is why some marriages end in divorce, to include some that had been declared as being God-ordained. Moreover, the way Sarah was captured when she was on the verge of becoming pregnant with the Lord’s promise is the way the devil may attack your promise from the Lord. You need the Lord’s help to discern when he is directing you versus when the devil is trying to misdirect you.

 

  • If you have multiple people approaching you claiming to be your God-ordained spouse, that is a major red flag. The Lord is not the author of confusion, but of peace. As a result, the Lord will give you His peace about the person He has selected for you, and there will only be one. The Lord’s peace transcends understanding. As a result, you may have an affinity for someone with a certain hair color but the Lord shows you a person with a different hair color. But because it is from the Lord, even though you may need time to let your preconceived notions go, the hair color won’t be a deal breaker as when you were operating out of your flesh. It is also a major red flag if you are confused about multiple people possibly being the person the Lord has ordained for you. The Lord will clear any confusion by revealing Himself in the both of you to each other. So, for example, you could be at a convention with 10,000 other people who all love Christ, but He may show you someone who seems more Christ like than anyone else. Some people have even observed a heavenly light around the person the Lord is illuminating to them. While one person can have an obsession for another person, which is unhealthy, the person the Lord shows you will become the standard-bearer so to speak. It is like the person is deposited into your heart and keeps others out. It takes a relationship with the Lord to determine if the feeling is because of a carnal obsession or a divine ordination. Again, one of the ways to discern is your willingness to hand the person and the situation over to the Lord and wait on Him to bring the two of you together.

 

  • While the stories of Adam and Eve and Isaac and Rebekah getting married on the day they met is great, you need to take time to get to know the person you believe is your God-ordained spouse. You have to enjoy each other’s company. Sometimes it is so easy to spot two people who should never be together. When Jesus told the parable of the sower, He mentioned the various conditions that could impact the growth of the seed, which is the Word of God (Luke 8). Similarly, relationships can be like those conditions. Some people ended up with someone who took them away from the Lord’s purpose, like the birds (devils) that snatched the seeds. Some people are like the seeds on the rocks because the relationship starts off with potential but lacks depth to last. Other people are like the stifling thorns that keep the other person from ever truly growing into their Godly purpose. But when a person is in a Godly relationship, the fruits are evident and both people look like they are thriving. You can help to identify whether a person is a potential God-ordained spouse based on how the person impacts your relationship with the Lord. Anyone who comes to steal, kill, or destroy is a counterfeit from the devil.

 

  • A person can claim to be your God-ordained spouse until the day he/she dies, but that does not mean it is a fact. Some people have been deceived while others are willing emissaries of the devil. Ensure you have a relationship with the Lord so you can hear from Him for yourself. You do not want to be the deceiver or be deceived. The Lord is not going to send someone to you who will be an idol to you or someone who will destroy your relationship with Him. Using the Lord’s name will only get a person so far. Most likely, the Lord will warn you about a person’s intentions beforehand. So please, ensure you are listening to the Lord and obeying Him instead of a forked tongue suitor. You will know people by their fruits and some people are using the Lord’s name to get into relationships while acting like the devil. If you outright reject a person claiming to be your gift from God, or tell the person that you need time to seek the Lord for yourself, but his/her reaction is ungodly, get away from that person. A person who does not respect you does not respect the Lord either. When you give something to the Lord and He wants you to have it, He will give it back to you. When you love the Lord, you will spend more time pursuing Him instead of a potential spouse

Second Chances: Worthy of Redemption
Love conquers all.
Whether you are a man or a woman, have nothing to do with a person who does not respect your boundaries, and especially someone who does not respect the Lord’s boundaries. You do not want to be in a relationship with a professing “God-ordained spouse” who does not respect you or your God. When the Lord plans and ordains something, He brings it to pass (Isaiah 55:8-11, 37:26, etc.). A person does not have to announce to you that the Lord said you are his/her God-ordained spouse. If you give the person a chance, even in a casual conversation in a group setting, the Lord will make His presence or His absence felt. I have heard people say they had no prior revelations from the Lord, but within 15 minutes of having a conversation with the person, they knew he/she was “the one”. The opposite is also true where it may be readily apparent that the person is not “the one”, and all that person can do from that point forward is to keep substantiating that revelation.

There are times when a person claims to be your God-ordained spouse, and the truth is, the person is desperate. The person knows the only chance he or she has of ever being in a relationship with you is to use your love for the Lord against you. When the Lord ordains a relationship, despite the struggles, it is like being in heaven on earth. However, a demonically arranged union is a living hell. You will know a person by his or her fruits, and one of the fruit of the Holy Spirit is longsuffering (patience). As a result, a person who receives such a revelation will demonstrate the requisite patience to wait on the Lord to confirm or deny the revelation to the other person, with no interference. And if the revelation is from the Lord, he/she will wait on the Lord for howsoever long He takes to bring things to pass. If a plane is coming in for a landing, and there are any obstacles in the way, the air traffic controller will either put the plane in a waiting pattern or reroute it. Air traffic control is responsible for getting the airplane to land and then get if off the active runway, and then ground control takes over and directs the plane to the gate. The Lord does all of that to bring two people together. As a result, sometimes the Lord may have you in a holding pattern to clear the way for you to approach the other person. If you do too soon, it will be disastrous.

cover

Sadly, the devil likes to corrupt the things of the Lord. That is a part of why some people try to rush things by claiming to be another person’s God-ordained spouse, and then get offended when they get shot down or crash because they run out of fuel. The Lord sustains what He ordains. If the wrong plane gets to a gate, it will prevent the right plane from being able to get there. That is why some people are in a holding pattern, waiting for the opportunity to be with their God-ordained spouse. The devil may have temporarily disrupted things but the Lord’s will be done. Keep in mind that when king Abimelech had captured Sarah, the Lord did not allow him to go in unto her (Genesis 20:6). He was like the devil’s plane that was occupying Abraham’s gate so the Lord moved him out of the way.

By the way, if I had to patiently wait for three years to be able to post this, doesn’t it make sense to wait on the Lord to give you the clearance to pursue a relationship with someone? There are things I was inspired to add to this that I would have had a hard time believing if I had not witnessed them myself. Some of you will be shocked to hear what your God-ordained spouse has been through before getting to you. In some cases, you missed the opportunity to be together in the past so the Lord had to bring the plane around for another landing. Unfortunately, when that happens, that flight gets pushed to the back of the flight order. So while you attended a wedding or two as a bridesmaid/groomsman, you had been in line to be a bride/groom at the time. Do not allow the devil to snatch the seeds away from you or your future spouse. When you pray for your future spouse, ask the Lord to prevent the person from being deceived and even illegally detained by the devil via one of his counterfeits. Jacob worked seven years to be with his beloved Rachel but was deceived into being with Leah instead (Genesis 29). Whether you are a man or a woman, do not sit back and let a “Leah” (man or woman) get to your “Jacob” (man or woman) before you. Pray for the person the Lord has ordained for you to marry, especially since the devil may have people praying against that future marriage.

 On Trial A Test of My Faith_1

Social Aloe Ministries: “Glorifying God. Exposing the devil.”

 

 

 

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Anatomy of a Heartbreak: When SAMson met Delilah

No Doubts

As long as you are willing to face the facts, you will never have to question how a person feels about you. A person will express his or her true feelings towards you via his or her actions. You simply have to stop doubting what the person shows you. And, arguably more important, stop making excuses for the individual by discarding the unfavorable information that detracts from the love story you are trying to write. Never project your feelings unto another, which is a way of convincing yourself that the feeling is mutual, even when how the person treats you clearly contradicts that narrative. Whether the person loves you or not, ensure that you also love yourself, if not, you will settle for less than the Lord’s best for you. Don’t lose yourself, and your relationship with the Lord, because you are pursuing someone who clearly is not pursuing you, or even worse, is not interested in being in a relationship with you. You do not want to be in a position where you have created a narrative to love someone who is to busy loving someone else, whether it’s another person or simply him or herself.

Let me take the gloves off and get down and dirty with one of many things that come to mind.

Does the person of your interest treat you like a priority in his or her life? When you fly in economy class, there is no confusing it with first class. Even if you have never flown in first class, you may have walked through it to get to your seat. As a result, you may have noticed a lot of obvious things regarding why first class is so different. Consequently, there are many ways to tell when you have placed someone in the first class section of your life, but that person has you in the economy section or one of the baggage compartments, and that is if you are on the person’s flight at all. By the way, do not be enamored by a person’s first class potential when he or she is giving you the economy class treatment (performance), just enough to keep you in place but not enough for you to feel special. Ensure the person you desire at least treats you like carry-on luggage instead of checked baggage. Meaning, the individual prefers to keep you as close as possible because he or she does not want to lose you. Don’t settle for someone who treats you like checked luggage, especially the kind of luggage he or she would not care less if you got lost and would not even try to locate you if you were…

The Sound of a Fallen Tree
A collection of poetry about heartbreak.

In an earlier previous Facebook post, I was inspired to ask about your conditions for someone to receive your unconditional love. Well, I strongly suggest that one of those conditions is that the person is willing to love you, unconditionally. The game of solitaire is also called “patience”. Sadly, many people are in pseudo-relationships, patiently waiting for the other person to make him or her his or her king or queen, but the “relationship” is one with a solitary player, a person who is playing games with his or her own heart. You know when the deck of cards is stacked against you, and when a person is playing for fun or for keeps. Do not pretend to be someone’s king of hearts or queen of diamonds when the person treats you like a joker. Do not tolerate someone disrespecting you, especially publicly and on multiple occasions. Again, do not doubt what a person shows you; actions speak volumes. I am not into divination, but don’t ignore the abundant and clear signs that a person is not going to be who you desire him or her to be. There comes a point when you can no longer blame a person for playing games with your heart because you are the one who has been playing solitaire.

I have the following special note for the ladies: If you have expressed an interest in a man and he is not pursuing you, under no circumstances, not even if you receive a revelation from the Lord, should you pursue him. Ruth went to Boaz and expressed an interest in him but that was as far as she went. It was Boaz who took that revelation and the initiative to begin pursuing her. And like Naomi said to Ruth, Sit still, my daughter, until thou know how the matter will fall: for the man will not be in rest, until he have finished the thing this day.’ ~ Ruth 3:18 (KJV) If you can’t sit still and let the man pursue you, most likely, the Lord had not spoken to you. God is a God of order and a Godly man is going to know when a woman is out of order and he will reject her. Again ladies, even if you receive an alleged revelation from the Lord regarding that man, it is Biblical to express an interest in him but it is out of order to pursue him. Rachel never had to work a day for Jacob; he was the one who volunteered to work seven years for the chance to marry her, something he would have never done for her sister Leah because he clearly did not want her (Genesis 29). As Naomi said to Ruth, I say unto you, if a man knows you are interested in him, sit still.

On Trial A Test of My Faith_1

I close with some advice from the Kenny Rogers’ song called “The Gambler” which states:

‘You’ve got to know when to hold ’em
Know when to fold ’em
Know when to walk away
And know when to run…’

With any relationship, you have to know when to walk way, such as when you know you are trying to win with a losing hand. By the way, anyone can walk away from a relationship, but don’t ignore the sign when the other person finds it easy to walk and stay away. People don’t ignore what they adore. Stop playing with a losing hand while pretending as if you stand a chance of winning. And please, do not get upset with anyone, to include yourself, if you hold when you should have folded and your bluff gets exposed. I beseech you, please stop doubting what you see and stop denying and trying to rewrite what you know. When you are pursuing someone who continually disrespects you, what in the world are you holding on to?

Feel free to print this message and anonymously leave it on the desk of someone who needs it if you have to.

"Let Them Go"
Excerpt from “Flirting with Disaster” © 2014 Kollin L. Taylor. All rights reserved.

Social Aloe Ministries: “Glorifying God. Exposing the devil.”

 

 

Heavy Shepherding

Narcissism: Wolf in Shepherd’s Clothing  

A narcissistic minister usually has the delusion of having a relationship with the Lord that is above everyone else, as was the case with Moses. But a narcissistic minister cannot have such a relationship with the Lord because some of the hallmarks of narcissism are selfishness, delusion of grandeur, a lack of empathy, and pride. Consequently, a narcissist is instantly disqualified from such as relationship with the Lord because He resists the proud but gives grace to the humble (James 4:6). The Lord used Moses in spectacular ways, to include parting the Red Sea and causing water to flow from a rock, yet after those events, Moses remained the most humble man on the face of the earth (Numbers 12:3). Conversely, the best a narcissist minister can do is display false humility while doing nothing that truly glorifies the Lord. A narcissistic minister actually misrepresents the Lord.

When the Lord had taken some of His Spirit from Moses and placed the Holy Spirit upon the 70 elders, Joshua wanted Moses to stop the two elders who were prophesying in the camp. But Moses demonstrated his humility by saying, ‘Enviest thou for my sake? Would God that all the Lord’s people were prophets, and that the Lord would put His Spirit upon them!’ ~ Numbers 11:29 (KJV) That would not be the case with a narcissistic minister. Such an individual typically act as if he or she is the only one who hears from the Lord. Or, the person may act like the supreme authority on hearing from the Lord. You may recall when the Lord said the following to Moses, ‘See, I have made thee a god to Pharaoh: and Aaron thy brother shall be thy prophet.’ ~ Exodus 7:1 (KJV) You would think the Lord had said those same Words to a narcissistic minister because he or she will act like a god to other ministers, to include trying to subjugate them. Be very careful of anyone who uses terms such as major, master, or chief prophet or chief apostle. There is a very god chance those individuals are overt narcissists. Jesus never referred to Himself as the master prophet or chief apostle.

Sooner or later, a narcissistic minister will put him or herself in between you and the Lord, if you allow it. The minister may make it seem as if you will never hear from the Lord unless the Lord tells him or her first. That is clearly unscriptural based on 1 Samuel 3. Eli was the priest and judge over Israel, yet the Lord spoke with a young Samuel without ever speaking to the priest. Samuel had to share the revelation the following day. Be careful or you will receive a revelation from the Lord and a narcissistic minister will convince you that it was not from the Lord. That is reminiscent of the Parable of the Sower (Luke 8:1-15) where the birds came and snatched the seeds that were sown on the ground. A narcissistic minister will also act like the other elements to choke the life out of you and your relationship with the Lord, or try to prevent the things of the Lord from taking root in your life. You have to get away from a narcissistic minister to have a truly meaningful relationship with the Lord, a relationship that bears good and plenteous fruit.

Humble Pie
The Lord exalts the humble.
The following are but a few Scriptures that address why a narcissistic minister will never have the relationship with the Lord that they think and/or profess:

  • ‘And I will give you pastors according to Mine heart, which shall feed you with knowledge and understanding.’ ~ Jeremiah 3:15 (KJV)

 

  • ‘For the pastors are become brutish, and have not sought theLord: therefore they shall not prosper, and all their flocks shall be scattered.’ ~ Jeremiah 10:21 (KJV)

 

  • The Lord dedicated several chapters of the Bible to solely address abusive clergy, to include Jeremiah 23. A narcissistic minister brings division to the body of Christ, and as the Lord said,Woe be unto the pastors that destroy and scatter the sheep of My pasture!’ ~ Jeremiah 23:1 (KJV) By the way, the Lord said ‘sheep’, so please do not confuse a narcissistic minister who scatters the Lord’s sheep with a minister who separates the sheep from the goats, like Christ will (Matthew 25:31-46). Or, do not confuse a narcissistic minister who is a wolf in shepherd’s clothing with a minister of Christ who keeps the wolves from amongst the flock.

 

  • The other chapter where the Lord addresses “heavy shepherding” begins with, “And the Word of theLord came unto me, saying, ‘Son of man, prophesy against the shepherds of Israel, prophesy, and say unto them, ‘Thus saith the Lord God unto the shepherds; Woe be to the shepherds of Israel that do feed themselves! Should not the shepherds feed the flocks? Ye eat the fat, and ye clothe you with the wool, ye kill them that are fed: but ye feed not the flock. The diseased have ye not strengthened, neither have ye healed that which was sick, neither have ye bound up that which was broken, neither have ye brought again that which was driven away, neither have ye sought that which was lost; but with force and with cruelty have ye ruled them.’ ~ Ezekiel 34:1-4 (KJV) That speaks to the selfish and brutish ways of a narcissistic minister who professes Christ yet is a devil.

Make no mistake about it because you have a role to play in this. You may not know a lot about narcissism, and may misperceive the abusive actions of a narcissistic minister with him or her being protective and maintaining discipline. But there comes a time when a congregant may have to walk away from a congregation because the shepherd is abusive. The environment is clearly that of a leader who rules with an iron fist (overt narcissist), or an iron fist covered in velvet gloves (covert narcissist). Rather than being a shepherd, the minister is actually a wolf in shepherd’s clothing. It does not matter if you signed a membership agreement, you can walk away from an abusive church at any time, without offering an explanation. If you remain in an oppressive environment then the following Word of the Lord may apply to you:

‘A wonderful and horrible thing is committed in the land; The prophets prophesy falsely, and the priests bear rule by their means; and My people love to have it so: and what will ye do in the end thereof?’ ~ Jeremiah 5:30-31 (KJV)

Wrongfully Accused
Even Jesus was wrongfully accused…
On a personal note, I speak from the voice of experience. I know what it was like to be associated with a ministry that was led by a narcissistic minister. It was killing me, and my relationship with the Lord, so I divorced myself from that situation. It was during the separation process that the Lord led me to study narcissism, and that was when everything I had endured began to make sense. Do not allow anyone to abuse you, especially while using your love for the Lord, and obedience to Him, as the bait to do so. By the way, when you begin to discern or you know a minister is a narcissist, do not go to that individual and try to alert him or her. You are going to create a “narcissistic injury” and may end up in a battle you are not prepared for. A narcissistic minister will try to destroy you. A narcissist works hard to project a certain image and will therefore work even harder to maintain the façade. Your best course of action may simply be to remove you and your family from the ministry, and possibly try to warn others who have the ears to hear. But don’t be surprised if the Lord’s Words in Jeremiah 5:30-31 come into play. The people you try to warn and protect may defend the narcissistic minister and turn against you.

This was only the tip of the iceberg, but a strong warning nonetheless. As I bid you farewell, “Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.” ~ Philippians 2:12 (KJV) By the way, that fear is the reverential fear of the Lord instead of the spirit of fear a narcissist tries to induce. Never forget that “…God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” ~ 2 Timothy 1:7 (KJV)

Character
“For such people are false apostles, deceitful workers, masquerading as apostles of Christ. And no wonder, for satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. It is not surprising, then, if his servants also masquerade as servants of righteousness. Their end will be what their actions deserve.” ~ 2 Corinthians 11:13-15 (NIV)

Social Aloe Ministries: “Glorifying God. Exposing the devil.”

 

 

Repent

Soul Searching

I feel convicted when I hear some messages, even to the point of inquiring of the Lord if and how the message applies to me. Most of the times it does not. Yet, I do not want to fall into the error of doing things that are displeasing to the Lord, or even worse, staying in the condition when confronted with that fact. If I get off course, I usually look for the very next off-ramp marked “Repentance” so I can get off the highway to hell. Moreover, it is important to note that there is a difference between sorrow and repentance. Many people claim they are sorry yet continue going down the highway to hell. They feel the Holy Spirit’s conviction as He tries to turn them away from sin, but they quench, and even grieve the Holy Spirit, and continue down the path to soothe their soul.

Let us take a look at what happened when Jesus said one of His disciples was going to betray Him to illustrate the difference between sorrow and repentance.

“And the disciples did as Jesus had appointed them; and they made ready the Passover. Now when the even was come, He sat down with the twelve. And as they did eat, He said, ‘Verily I say unto you, that one of you shall betray Me.’

And they were exceeding sorrowful, and began every one of them to say unto him, ‘Lord, is it I?’

And He answered and said, ‘He that dippeth his hand with Me in the dish, the same shall betray Me. The Son of man goeth as it is written of Him: but woe unto that man by whom the Son of man is betrayed! It had been good for that man if he had not been born.’

[Note: They were sorrowful, but that was the time to transition to repentance.]

Then Judas, which betrayed Him, answered and said, ‘Master, is it I?’

He said unto him, ‘Thou hast said.’” ~ Matthew 26:19-25 (KJV)

By the way, Judas asked the Lord that question after he had consorted with the chief priests and was looking for an opportunity to betray Jesus (Matthew 26:14-16). Again, sorrow is not the same as repentance. Many people are sorry for things they have done and/or are doing but will end up in hell if they do not repent. Repentance is not simply being sorry, it means to stop and turn away from sin, to include making restitutions if necessary. Repentance requires making changes in an effort to draw closer to the Lord.

6, 3, 40, Forever

When Jesus told the “Parable of the Wedding Banquet” (Matthew 22:1-13), keep in mind what happened to the guest who was invited to the banquet but did not take the take to change into a wedding garment prior to showing up:

“And when the king came in to see the guests, he saw there a man which had not on a wedding garment: and he saith unto him, ‘Friend, how camest thou in hither not having a wedding garment?’ And he was speechless. Then said the king to the servants, ‘Bind him hand and foot, and take him away, and cast him into outer darkness, there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth. For many are called, but few are chosen.’” ~ Matthew 22:11-14 (KJV)

The parable is not about showing up to church dressed a certain way, “your Sunday’s best”. Jesus never turned away lepers or refused to feed the hungry because of their appearance. But rather, it speaks to the condition of the heart. Don’t get cast into outer darkness, eternally separated from the Lord, because you showed up in His presence with an unrepentant heart.

Humble Pie
The Lord exalts the humble.

 

I Had A Dream  

One of the ways the Lord communicates to us is via dreams (Genesis 20:3, Numbers 12:6, Matthew 2, etc.). If you are a prophet/seer, dreamer of dreams (Deuteronomy 13), or operate in the gift of prophecy (1 Corinthians 12), it is easy to become consumed with the things the Lord communicates to you about other people and things and lose sight of what He communicates to you about yourself. Critics of those who have a lot of prophetic dreams oftentimes use the following Scriptures to discount those dreams:

  • ‘Behold, I AM against them that prophesy false dreams, saith the Lord, and do tell them, and cause My people to err by their lies, and by their lightness; yet I sent them not, nor commanded them: therefore they shall not profit this people at all, saith the Lord.’ ~ Jeremiah 23:32 (KJV)

 

  • ‘I have heard what the prophets said, that prophesy lies in My name, saying, I have dreamed, I have dreamed. How long shall this be in the heart of the prophets that prophesy lies? Yea, they are prophets of the deceit of their own heart; which think to cause My people to forget My name by their dreams which they tell every man to his neighbour, as their fathers have forgotten My name for baal. The prophet that hath a dream, let him tell a dream; and he that hath My Word, let him speak My Word faithfully. What is the chaff to the wheat? saith the Lord. Is not My Word like as a fire? saith the Lord; and like a hammer that breaketh the rock in pieces?’ ~ Jeremiah 23:25-29 (KJV)

 

  • ‘I have not sent these prophets, yet they ran: I have not spoken to them, yet they prophesied. But if they had stood in My counsel, and had caused My people to hear My Words, then they should have turned them from their evil way, and from the evil of their doings.’ ~ Jeremiah 23:21-22 (KJV)

Visionary (2)

I am not here to address the critics, but I am here to warn those who receive a lot of dreams (and visions) based on the Words of the Lord in Jeremiah 23.

The first warning is for you to test the spirits as stated in 1 John 4:1 to ensure your dream (or vision) is from the Lord as opposed to your soul or an impure spirit. Now, there are things you can glean from all three types of dreams (and visions). Briefly stated, a demonically induced dream or vision may indicate what the devil is trying to stop you from doing, or where he is trying to mislead you into going. Some people do not know what the Lord’s plan for them is and the short answer is it’s the opposite of what the devil wants for you. A dream or vision from the soul may indicate something from within you that is blocking the things of the Lord. For example, your cares of this world may be hindering your relationship with the Lord and you need to cast your cares on the Lord. Cast your cares upon the Lord because He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7). In addition, “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” ~ Philippians 4:6-7 (KJV) Philippians 4:7 also serves as a reminder regarding how a dream or vision from the Lord tends to provide hope whereas one from the enemy leaves you feeling hopeless and fearful. The Lord dealt harshly with king Abimelech in a dream, but that was to stop him from sinning. In addition, the Lord gave him hope of escaping judgment (Genesis 20). Dreams and visions from the Lord can be placed in various categories such as warning dreams, where He may warn you of traps the enemy has set for you or others (Matthew 2). The Lord may also reveal His plans for you in a dream or vision (Genesis 28, 37). Keep in mind when the Lord said to the Israelites regarding their return from captivity (Jeremiah 29:10), ‘For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.’ ~ Jeremiah 29:11 (KJV) Also, please note that you may have a dream with multiple segments so you have to test the spirit behind each scene. There are times when you will have a dream from the Lord and a devil may try to sow “weeds among the wheat” by adding to the dream. That may explain why you may have a wonderful dream but then it transitions to something different and fearful, even to the point where you may forget what the Lord had communicated to you. So to reiterate, please test the spirit behind your dream, especially before you broadcast to others that the Lord had shown you something in a dream.

 

Inner PeaceThe second warning is to ensure you pay attention to when the Lord is telling you about yourself. When you stand in the Lord’s counsel, to include in a dream, there are times when He will reveal things to you about yourself that could or will result in disaster if you do not repent. Note how the Lord warned Cain by telling him that sin was crouching at his door but he must rule over it (Genesis 4). Tragically, even after standing in the Lord’s counsel, Cain killed his brother Abel, and he paid a serious price for his disobedience and sin. There are many ways to stand in the Lord’s counsel but the most important thing is to take His counsel.

Repent
People will recognize you by your fruit. ‘Produce fruit in keeping with repentance.’ ~ Matthew 3:8 (NIV)

The third warning is if you are getting a lot of revelations about others and none about yourself, particularly things you need to work on, I would be (very) concerned. The prophet Isaiah said, ‘But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags; and we all do fade as a leaf; and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away.’ ~ Isaiah 64:6 (KJV) One of the functions of the Holy Spirit is to convict us of our righteousness (John 16:7-15). Yes, you read that correctly, the Holy Spirit convicts us of our “righteousness”. If you are more focused on Him showing you things to come, you may lose sight of His reminders that without Christ, our righteousness is as filthy rags to God. Lest not forget the following encounter Isaiah had with the Lord:

“In the year that king Uzziah died I saw also the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up, and His train filled the temple. Above it stood the seraphims: each one had six wings; with twain he covered his face, and with twain he covered his feet, and with twain he did fly. And one cried unto another, and said, ‘Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord of hosts: the whole earth is full of His glory.’ And the posts of the door moved at the voice of him that cried, and the house was filled with smoke. Then said I, ‘Woe is me! For I am undone; because I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips: for mine eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts.’” ~ Isaiah 6:1-5 (KJV)

Isaiah stood in the presence of the perfectly holy God and the Lord’s holiness illuminated unclean things about the prophet to himself. Isaiah prophesied about the birth of Jesus, the Son of God (Isaiah 9:6-7), but he was not above being humbled by his own shortcomings. I know many people are discouraged by professing prophets who claim to have dreams and visions about things to come, yet cannot see their own demise if they do not repent of their ways. Whether you are a prophet/seer, dreamer of dreams, or you operate in the gift of prophecy, never forget that Jesus said, ‘Not every one that saith unto Me, ‘Lord, Lord’, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of My Father which is in heaven. Many will say to Me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Thy name? And in Thy name have cast out devils? And in Thy name done many wonderful works?’ And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from Me, ye that work iniquity.’ ~ Matthew 7:21-23 (KJV)

Humble Pie
The Lord exalts the humble.

Standing in the Lord’s counsel may make you want to tell others about your dream or vision, but it should definitely make you want to tell people to repent lest they perish. There are also times when an experience with the Lord will let you know that you need to repent, even if there is something minor or even nonexistent now that could become a major problem later. When the Lord spoke to king Solomon in a dream, He promised to give the king wisdom, riches, and honor. But the Lord also warned the king to walk in His ways and keep His statutes and commandments (1 Kings 3:12-14). Sadly, years later, Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines, some of whom turned his heart away from the Lord to the point of where they started practicing idolatry in Israel (1 Kings 11). Do not overlook the revelations from the Lord about what He wants you to do for Him, such as to repent or walk uprightly, in favor of what He plans or promised to do for you. Gifts from God come with responsibilities.

Please keep in mind that the Lord disciplines those He loves (Hebrews 12). See “Raised in the Wilderness: Rogue Reformers, Rallying the Remnant” for more information. Now available at: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1944255486/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1492026661&sr=1-1

Holy Spirit Led
The gifts and fruit of the Holy Spirit IAW 1 Corinthians 12 and Galatians 5:22-23.

 

 

 

Sowing vs. Planting 

Whatever you do in life, stop “sowing” and start “planting” in order to increase the return on your investment.

According to Merriam-Webster, there is a subtle difference between sowing and planting. To sow is “to scatter (seed) upon the earth for growth; broadly”. On the other hand, to plant is “to put or set in the ground for growth”. Many of you have not received a return on your investment because you have been sowing “seeds” instead of planting them. When Jesus told the Parable of the Sower, only 25% of the scattered (sown) seeds had a chance of bearing a harvest (Luke 8:4-15). Before I share the parable with you, do not be deceived by anyone who claims to be “fertile ground” for you to sow your seeds on because you may still not reap a harvest. Lest not forget that the birds Jesus referred to will also go on fertile grounds and eat the seeds. In addition, sometimes the person who claims to be fertile ground is the one who is eating your seeds and/or reaping and keeping your harvest. On that note, here is the Parable of the Sower:

“And when much people were gathered together, and were come to Him out of every city, He spake by a parable: ‘A sower went out to sow his seed: and as he sowed, some fell by the way side; and it was trodden down, and the fowls of the air devoured it. And some fell upon a rock; and as soon as it was sprung up, it withered away, because it lacked moisture. And some fell among thorns; and the thorns sprang up with it, and choked it. And other fell on good ground, and sprang up, and bare fruit an hundredfold.’

And when He had said these things, He cried, ‘He that hath ears to hear, let him hear.’

And His disciples asked Him, saying, ‘What might this parable be?’

And He said, ‘Unto you it is given to know the mysteries of the kingdom of God: but to others in parables; that seeing they might not see, and hearing they might not understand. Now the parable is this: The seed is the Word of God. Those by the way side are they that hear; then cometh the devil, and taketh away the Word out of their hearts, lest they should believe and be saved. They on the rock are they, which, when they hear, receive the Word with joy; and these have no root, which for a while believe, and in time of temptation fall away. And that which fell among thorns are they, which, when they have heard, go forth, and are choked with cares and riches and pleasures of this life, and bring no fruit to perfection. But that on the good ground are they, which in an honest and good heart, having heard the Word, keep it, and bring forth fruit with patience.’” ~ Luke 8:4-15 (KJV)

When you give, do so selflessly with the expectation of nothing in return. But when you invest, do so with wisdom. Sometimes sowing, or more accurately planting, is about the fruit the seeds will bear in the lives of others. Jesus said, ‘The seed is the Word of God.’ Have you been planting that “seed”, the Word of God, in other people’s lives?

New Thing

If you have been sowing or planting with an expectation of a personal return on your investment, examine where and also how you are investing. Are you haphazardly scattering your precious seeds or are you carefully planting them? In addition, lest not forget that plants require nurturing to protect them from various threats to their growth and productivity. I planted some seeds in two flowerpots in front of my house in 2016. I watered the seeds and waited for the flowers to germinate, but they never did, not even a single plant. I believe the seeds were good, and I had fresh potting soil so I had planted in good grounds. However, I had noticed some birds around my flowerpots but I never realized they had dug up my seeds and eaten them. That meant my seeds were probably deposited somewhere else where they took root. All I know is I planted, and I planted in good ground, but I did not protect the seeds (my investment). Moreover, those seeds would have been even more vulnerable if I had simply scattered them on top of the good ground. At least the enemy had to work to get to the seeds. So, armed with last year’s failure, when I repeated the process this year, I planted the seeds even deeper to protect my investment. As a result, now the flowers are in full bloom. Stop sowing when you need to be planting.

"Labor Pains"

 

Helping Hand

If your right hand gets dirty, when you use your left hand to hand to wash the right, both hands get cleaner in the process. So, whenever the Lord gives you an opportunity to help others, He is also giving you an opportunity to help yourself in the process. Doing something good for others is oftentimes good for you too in pleasantly surprising ways. Have you ever helped someone who was feeling and possibly looking downtrodden and felt worse when that person thanked you with a smile? Smiles are precious, especially when they break through and emerge from a previously broken or hardened heart. Hands are precious too, particularly when they are used to convey the love of Christ Jesus to others.

Additional Reading: Luke 13:10-17 and John 5:1-15

Minister to the People
Minister to the People